Last China Post.....phew!

Soh, this is the last part of my trilogy that is China. This delightful creature was parading outside the Terracotta museum just outside Xi'an city. In fact most of the girls in China were very erm.....pretty to say the least. A bit more about Chinese girls later!

Anybody thinking about coming to China must see the Terracotta army. Blimey what a sight to see as all these troops lined up in battle formation, complete with officers, soldiers, horses with flanks covered to ensure nobody gets through. All the soldiers and horses were once painted and must have looked amazing. The ruler who wanted to be buried with his life like army wanted to ensure that his great tomb lay undisturbed and he did this by killing all the skilled craftsmen who created them.......gulp!

There is a man there somewhere. This is recycling on a grand scale and nothing is wasted.

China is a very colourful country full of bright lights and lanterns, just like the ones for sale above in Dali.

Chinese culture is very big with temples and buildings like the one above preserved for future generations. Even some new buildings are still created in the 'old' style to preserve their national heritage - quite right too.

The girls having a bit of a sesh! Oh yes, after this it was hair, eyebrows, cupping and body massages. Yep the entire works was had by pretty much all including yours truly who had a foot massage by deaf masseurs. Probably permanently deafened by the screams of previous clientele no doubt.

This erm.....experience was recommended by someone who I regarded as a friend (you know who yo are). it all started quite nicely with a cup of tea and a nice warm herbal soak...ahhhhhh. Then it all went a bit pear shaped the pain of someone ramming their knuckles around the bottom of your feet which is excruciating by he way and if you flinch, its done even harder because your 'chi' is in need of a lot more work.....apparently. It does end eventually with a back and shoulder massage - thank god!

Soh, back to girls. All the hotels we have stayed in have liberal amounts of lady products and condoms. I have been erm......propositioned in the street, hotel lobbies, in the lift and hotel corridors. I received a phone call one late night and a very nice lady was talking to me in Chinese. I assumed it was Georges wife, so when George came back to the room I told him his wife rang. "No" he said "that was a naughty lady". If only I had known. Who knows what a good Catholic boy could have gotten up to?

So that is China, if you've not been, you must come. You will not be disappointed, it has been the most entertaining and culturally fantastic and interesting of countries I have ever been too. A month here has just been too short and we have only just scratched the surface. Sincere thanks to Charlie, Jim and George for all their unstinting work to ensure we all have the best time possible.

China, I love you!

More of the same

So...............driving in China is an awakening! Thank goodness I wasn't driving. It seems at every opportunity drivers honk as they overtake, while they overtake and after they overtake for good measure. In fact he who honks loudest gets through first and that generally is super fast coaches that come through first. They are everywhere, they even have sleepers with three rows of beds and yep those little Chinese people are fast asleep in them too. There doesn't seem to be any method in driving, if there is a gap, even if its not big enough they will try and get in and from any side. Overtaking on bends, uphill with trucks coming down all seems to be fair game to the Chinese. It must work as we only saw three mangled wrecks........? Oh and one taxi crash outside one of our hotels in a whole months worth of driving.

So this is me sat on a fort on the great wall, how cool is that? To say I was gobsmacked to be here is an understatement. This really was one of the highlights of the trip so far. It is a dream to be here and I never thought I would ever be here. Thanks Odyssey guys for making it for me.

So this is the 'great wall of China' or rather a small part of it. It is in real need of some real TLC, in fact McAlpines should put a quote in to do some serious pointing before it falls down. This was in fact out very last bushcamp (well almost). We set up camp in amongst the trees, we had a great supper thanks to CJ (thanks Charlie it was YUM). We walked up the wall, which to be fair was one of my highlights so far. When we got back to camp, about four policemen came up to camp and I thought wanted to say hello, look at our setup and generally be......well just curious. But no! They wanted us to move on and then some very big Chinese guys all in black turned up and things got rather erm.......animated. It was clear then, we were not welcome and had to pack up. We were escorted by blue flashing light to a very nice hotel in town where CJ did some very astute room negations. Which means we got a very good room rate, in fact far below what the advertised price should have been. It turned out the next morning we had camped in a restricted area, ooooops!

A rather nice view across the town of Lijiang. We were going to stop for beer, but the bar was closed. What a bummer!!!!!

At every turn, young and old are working til they drop dead- quite right too.

There are great photo opportunities everywhere. I think(?) this place was full of good luck messages and hung in the top to create a really good karma.

Bee JESUS, don't wanna get too close to this place, but isn't it great that those clever Chinese folks have thought of everything? Part three of this wonderful place to follow shortly.

China - What a great place

Hi and welcome to China. I know its been too long but those clever Chinese folk have restricted access to blogger and now I'm in Laos will complete a couple of blogs to keep you folks back home happy. The above piccy is of Charlie and George (not Georgie, Georgia or Georgina - sadly) but our super Chinese guide. I roomed with George for a month and we became great friends. You will be pleased to know our English lessons each day covered just about every swear word I know, Cockney Rhyming slang and that pussy is not necassarily cat! I was a bit teary this morning to wave him goodbye at the border. But hey ho, life goes on and a cold beer makes the world seem a much better place. Thanks little bro.

So a few things about China - Loo Roll. It must be in very short supply because in every hotel we have been staying in you get a very nice new roll. Except its only about a dozen sheets in total, so a) you have to use both sides......erm liberally and b) if you can't find the start first time lose half the roll in trying. So.....any one coming to China, train your bottom opening for maximum evacuation once a day and bare in mind the shortage here. Or its speaking to your new best friend with shorts around your ankles to get a new supply from house keeping.

Chopsticks! These are the devil invention, they are long, smooth and pointed at one end and surprise, surprise I don't think they are meant to pick up food at all. It falls on the floor, your lap, clean tee shirt and table in liberal amounts. Its only dire hunger that keeps you going, in fact by the time you've eaten breakfast, blow me its time to start all over at lunch, then dinner. But rest assured dear readers Stevie made the most of every western food opportunity and the good old knify and fork were welcomed like old chums. Yes dear pals, roast chicken, roast potatoes, bacon, scrambled eggs and pizza have never tasted so good!

Extra curricular activities included cooking class with the girls, bloody YUM TOO! Four or five courses of very good Chinese grub and beer too. What an afternoon!

China is an amazing place, it has totally blown my mind, so much so I will come back one day and spend much longer here. The people are generous, kind and helpful, workaholics me thinks too. The building programme here is astounding and on a massive scale. We have been fortunate to see only a very small part of China in a month but with the diversity and with 50 odd minority groups assure you of a culture that is both extremely interesting and varied.

The old chairman, is still evident but maybe not as much as one would expect?

Almost all towns and cities will have superb parks and Chinese lanterns, some helium filled gently bobbing in the wind like the guys above. The parks are used every day for dance, Karioki and mai jong which makes for a good stroll but don't stop too long or they will try and drag you in too.

As you can see, china is not flat and in the most part terraced to make the best use of the space available. These fields have rice in them but could have had rubber trees, tobacco, maize, sun flowers or just about anything else. The soil and climate is so good, you get two growing seasons each year.

Well dear readers, I hope that's wetted your appetite for parts two and three. Talking about wetting ones appetite "it must be beer O'clock Vicar"? "Indeed it is young Stevie". Need I say more......slurp!